So even though this experience is probably the worst experience of my life, I still really believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't fully understand all the reasons my little girl has had to endure all she has but I know that we have all learned many valuable lessons from the experience and I know we will continue to do so.
First, this experience has really made me realize that I need to do more for other people. I always felt shy about reaching out to people who I didn't really know that were going through hard times. I felt like they may think it was strange. However, given what we have gone through, I have to say that the support of complete strangers (as well as friends and family) has really gone a long way in helping us get through this situation. I can't tell you what all the cards and encouraging notes and calls we have received have done for us all! Thank you to everyone that has reached out. In addition we both have a new found gratitude for organizations like the Ronald McDonald house for helping families in times like we are going through. It is amazing how many families have sick children, it is almost a sub culture of people who deal with sick kids on a daily basis. It isn't an easy existence but charities like the Ronald McDonald house make things so much easier.
In addition, I think about all the things that have happened over the last couple of years that have set me up to deal with this situation. My job for example. When Sammy was first born I worked as a HR Manager. Shortly after she was born, I transitioned into a part time position, and then after Adrian was born I started working from home. If I had a regular job during this time, this situation would have been much more difficult. Thank you FISC for your flexibility with me! There are also many other mental shifts I have made that have set me up to deal with this situation as well. When Sammy was first born I couldn't imagine being a stay at home mom, I didn't transition into motherhood very smoothly, but over time I have learned to enjoy being a mom and learned to relinquish control over certain things. Since I have absolutely no control over our current situation, that is most certainly a good thing. Everything happens for a reason.
Finally, I really feel support from family members that have passed on. Zach's mother, who passed away in 2006 has sent many reassuring signs to both Zach and I during this time and my Memere has been here to support us as well. I know that probably sounds corny to many of you, but honestly their support and the signs they have sent to us have been so incredibly real and reassuring.
This situation is certainly not something I would choose, but I know everything happens for a reason and we are choosing to learn as much from this situation as possible. Please keep sending Sammy your positive thoughts and prayers and I KNOW she will be okay!